Hey guys, long time no talk!
(Just letting you know, I wrote this a long time ago, so
keep that in mindJ)
This
weekend, I went home for an event at my old high school that tons of alumni go
to. I was so excited to see all my friends that were coming home and to be
doing something with my sister. I was just really looking forward to it! Then,
on Thursday night, I was having a talk with one of my best friends from home
who conveniently goes to the same college (it’s always nice to have at least
one….you know, girl emergencies and such) and she was really upset that I was
going home for this event that we knew my ex would be at. She said even though
there was only a small chance of a direct run-in, I had made so much progress
since we broke up (after 2 years together, in case you didn’t know). She also didn’t
want me to look like “pathetic ex-girlfriend running around the old high school,”
but I could care less about that.
All
night, I could not figure out what my friend meant. Did she think that although
I’m not totally over it, I would regress back to being a total basket-case?
That I would go back to changing the radio station every time any type of love
song came on? That would go back to posting everything I did on Facebook to show
him how “happy” I am and how great my life is? Well, I still sort of do that,
let’s be honest. But really, does she think I’m that weak? Ladies and gents, I
now know EXACTLY what she meant. The hole is back in my chest, the sinking
feeling back in my stomach, the choking sadness back in my throat. Just from
seeing him…and him not even acknowledging me. Awkward encounter is one thing,
this was a whole new kind of hurt.
When
you think of 2 months after a break up, you picture someone moving on with
their life, or even someone who’s perfectly okay when they reflect on their
relationship, even someone who’s friends with their ex. I have realized that I
am nowhere near this stage. Why does it feel like in the ending of relationships,
I’m the only person who can’t let go?
